Freudian Inventory Results

Genital (36%) you appear to have a pessimistic and regressive outlook on life. Latency (53%) you appear to have a good balance of knowledge seeking and practicality. Phallic (40%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure. Anal (63%) you appear to be overly self controlled, organized, and subservient to authority. Oral (56%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

but little did i know how insincere his laughs really were.

his laugh renews me.

the picture changes frequently. to suit my mood. to suit my mood. and right now, this picture appeals to me the most.

i have a headache.

i am such an ass sometimes. i read people's blogs or xangas and i think, damn, these posts are so moronic. i used to blog about what this person is blogging about when i was 14/15. i dont know why that pisses me off. but i think it makes me an ass.

oh please, please, please. someone ask me what i think about them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE. i will tell you what i think about you. i dont know if you will care or not, but i need to get it off my chest. and i think it will look badly on my part if i approach you, telling you what i think about you. so i beg you, anyone who is reading this. ask me what i think about you.

see? i am such an ass.

eman, play chess with me. dont say you dont feel alert. you dont need to feel alert to play with me. i think you'd still be better. so just stfu and play chess with me.

::sigh:: i feel good. at chess, i mean. right now, anyway.

dont mind that awkward google thing up there. i will take care of it later.

just trust. i think we all should just trust.

trust what? pleasant smiles on wrinkled faces.

is it dumb for me to trust a book because the writer is a man with a wrinkled face and a pleasant smile? all he wants is to help people.

what about you? do you want to help people?

i dont speak in riddles. i just unemotionally document the voices in my head. i tried "observing" today, like the man advised. for five minutes. FIVE FULL MINUTES. it was so hard. i was being urged to twitch.

it's hard to read a book, pause, then take notes. but it's quite charming. it has personality.

im thinking about enrolling at gcc this summer. but it means missing a class for three sessions.

maybe it's not a good idea. i wonder why i like to feel rushed or pushed to my limit.

i need to buy linen paper. off-white. maybe creme. and then i'll distribute my resume.

yes. sounds good.

i'll be your mirror. the world will be my mirror.

she threatened me because she was so kind. oh dear.

i didnt work out today, by the way. and i had a feta sandwhich, creme brule and tres leches and strawberry mousse. creme brule so thick i could feel the fat gloss my lips. and then i had pork cutlets and ribs and thai barbeque.









at least im not starving.

ok, starting today, i am going to start eat right.

starting tomorrow (ha-ha), im gunna start to exercise.

I SWEAR. so this means going to sleep before 10.

i will shower now. and all that other good stuff. and today, is a chill day.

ok t.s. eliot is pretty clever. and random. at times.

lol, also, on a very funny side note, yahoo now has 100mb of space available. they just had to be able to compete with google's 1000 mb. yahoo, you are dumb because even tho you gave me 96 more megabytes, you arent letting me sign in. so i hate you.

i was hot, checked the temperature, put my hair up, and am now no longer hot.

what should i have for breakfast?

i went out last night. with him. i must remember.

so i stay up to read that book ucr assigned me. it's charming. very charming. i went to sleep at around 1-something. i climbed into bed and couldnt stop thinking about those incestuous cannibals. ARGH. wrong turn, people. the movie.

im watching this movie called the luzhin defence. its about this chess grandmaster who falls in love. i turned my head and this lady seemed to hand this man a glass dildo, saying, "it's beautiful." i laughed in my head.

ok so back to my almost sleeping story. so i couldnt stop thinking about the incestuous cannibals so i kept tossing and turning. so i debated for about ten minutes whether or not i should get up. then i had to think about what i would do when i got up because i was borderline sleepy. so i took a piss and then got a glass of water. and then i just chickened out and woke up my sister. jeez. what a big help that was. i could only fall asleep after i heard my dad using the bathroom at 4:30 to get ready for work. i felt safe then. but then i woke up as my mom and sister were about to leave for work and school, respectively.

it was horrible.

my mom says my skin is "sick." she is most definately referring to my influx of acne.

i really hope i dont have adult set acne. that would just blow.

why does it never save my settings. dagnabbit.

oh yeah, im having a hard time deciding which image i should put up there and no one wants to help me. so... uhm, yes. help me decide, people i care about.

[edit 2:59]

i have lumps in my breasts. do not know if they are cancerous, yet.

[end edit]

man, oh, man.

now that i've graduated from high school, i can say mean things outloud that i've only said to myself inside my head.

i am starting to look like a fat man. kinda like arlene and catherine.

damn, why oh why.

eman grabbed me the other day. grad night day. it left a bruise and i was pretty damn upset. after he left i just started to cry. eh. and then i got pretty angry. i was pretty set on not forgiving him, but then i started to think about it a lot. and due to the oxytocin and vasopressin and the opiate-like chemicals, i just couldnt let go. so im thinking... and this is pretty recent thinking, guys, if i cant seem to rid myself of him, or rather cant gather the resolve to... and i actually genuinely desire to stay with him, why make it difficult? i get pretty pissed sometimes, tho. we are both pretty upset with each other for different reasons and we cant seem to agree on who wronged who first, but when we're not thinking about those things, general things are pretty fun and decent.

but i wonder if he will do it again.

i hope hanna, jorge, eman, my sister, and i go out on wednesday. i think it will be good for all of us.

i have these godforsaken bug bites on my left arm. wtf man. five of them.

i made a resume. i need a job. my resume is very nice and i like staring at it for prolonged periods of time.

ok i need to shower and sleep now. ta.

ok ok ok. so here it is. insecure people search it through and through for all the mean (but oh-so-true) things i say about you (and there is plenty--but not enough). oh, please do. it was meant for you to read. but please do not contact me. i do not care.

i am not as sad as i make myself out to be.

i think i may have ADD.

and, no, those rhymes were unintentional. really.

i feel somewhat better today. the desaparecidos aren't all that bad. i found a couple songs that were pretty good.

because i feel inspired, i will be writing more in a couple of days and you guys will see how incredibly dysfunctional i am, but i wont care because i will be wallowing in self-importance like a lot of you already are.

and for those of you who think i may dislike you greatly, please check often because i will probably be proclaiming exactly why i dislike you if you dont know already.

and for those whose company i genuinely enjoy........................... good day to you!

i graduated today.

i feel icky. i shouldnt let people ruin me. or my day.

the end.

hello old friend. i have missed you. so many new things up in the hizzouse. so many stupid things i slightly shake my head disappointingly at.

i am graduating tomorrow. i am graduating tomorrow. i am graduating tomorrow. i am graduating tomorrow.

i dont feel excited at all. i dont feel very happy. i feel slightly--i feel as if i miss something.

ARGH. I need to stop typing in all lower case. Looking at it irks me now. It just isn't right.

I don't feel brand new, like I think I ought to feel.

It was supposed to be cathartic. Why doesn't it feel cathartic.

I'm supposed to feel clean and new and refreshed.

But I feel held back and weighted. I need to be zen, perhaps. No one reads this, but why should you? Perhaps I should clean. Maybe cleaning and throwing away things I don't need will help me feel purged.

Ok. On to it, I suppose.

i hate ate meat, and it was as comforting as mac and cheese. god save the queen.

RED : song
WORK : load
REALITY : fake .
DREAMS : reality
FAMILY : friends
MUSIC : fallible
BEAUTY : undermine
FRIENDS : none
TATTOOS : wrinkle
VICE : sin
SUMMER : taste
WRITER : me
ART : like
LOVE : bleak
SONG : sad
SCENT : yum
GREEN : pretty
FASHION : wtf
THERAPY : alright
FOOD : love
VACATION : needed
BRAD PITT : yum
ARCHENEMY : ok
LEMMINGS : son
FATE : huh
FAITH : love
OCEAN : greek
SEX APPEAL : needed
JOHNNY DEPP : bones
WOMAN : damned
MAN : me

you'll be the death of me. all of you.

"I know the reason you have sticky fingers," she wheezed excitedly. I stared at her in disbelieving awe. She continued, "The black and white pictures. Stop it with your godforsaken lies. Ancient pornography is self-deprecatingly licentious." Because she was aged like balsamic vinegar, I paid no heed to her sermons. But I should have. Oh Lordy, I should have--because she was aged like balsamic vinegar, and they pour it on ice cream in Italy. And so my soul died on the 54th of June, while winter chills ate my vas deferens.

Mardi gras beads hang on a doorknob and twinkle at me blithely. They, like the burlesque dancers on my lap, are licentious. uhlllllllllllll. L-O-V-E.

Pray tell, what would you do without me underneath you?
Well, honeycheeks, I guess I would just be straddling empty space.
Does that get you off?
What the barometer?
What fucking barometer? No, stupid. Me underneath you.
Oh, you know. Ha-choo. Torricelli vacuum.

mmmm.

Tell me you'll give me a stainless steel kitchen with copper pots, and I'll tell you that I adore and love you.

I'm sorry. That was a lie.

HA!

What I'm really sorry for is lying about my lie.

i feel like the world is against me.

I ATE MEAT. I FEEL SO FUCKING SICK.

SDFAKSLJFADKFAMCASERASCD.

it prevails.

They say we only really fall in love once in our lifetime, and that it occurs the first time we ever do fall in love. Everything else that follows, they say, is just a shadow. Meaning its less inhibited, passionate, and true. I guess one can only give one's heart away once, right?

man, it's like you're screwed if you do, you're screwed if you dont. wtf is that shit.

suicide note #3:

farewell, world (or fare not-so-well). stick a piece of paper with a bon mot written on it in my every orifice. mmmm. doughnuts.

i feel so lonely sometimes. i want someone to care. it wont help if i just tell someone my problems and have then console me. i know in the end, they wont be there.

it sucks when i feel like this, and the only person who can make it go away doesnt really care to.

im such a sentimental fool.

read this.

DO YOU SEE THE END???? GOD. what wanksta. funny. i kinda have what i had then, but what i want is the impassioned obsession of my past. ok, maybe not.

SO WHAT IF IM HOOKED ON BEING EDGY. im going to assume its better than being hooked on phonics! hardy har har.

smack me. im just too clever.

relatively deep thoughts used to strike me. i wonder where they've gone.

i dont know if its just my megalomania, but i like reading my old school blog entries. i seemed to be such a cool kid. ::cough::

check this.

i like that.

also, read this post.

that was posted about JORGE, out of all the people in the world! i remember he had a subprofile and would post these rants. and i thought one was directed at me, he said otherwise, but to this day i still think it was, and i ranted about him. ha-ha-ha.

reading it made me sad. i remember writing it on a whim. reading through it now, i was able to see myself then. it struck me how convicted i was about so many things. and although all of them may not have been very thought out, i dont know. it's still admirable, i guess.

do i miss myself?
oh paula, you're so silly. you are who you are.
you're right. even then i was ever-changing.

i will look back on this post and think about how different i have become.

i need to stop feeding myself nostolgia pills. among other things. HA.

i was reading the blog of an old friend of mine who cheated on her boyfriend. he forgave her. her depiction of her actions/attitude after her infidelity disgusted me. she was arrogant and nonchalant about the entire ordeal. she disgusted me.

and then i realized she reminded me a whole lot about myself. goddamn.

+when they write biographies about you, i want them to write about me, too.

sometimes, i hate myself so much, i wanna rip my skin off and burn it.

or somehow damage it severely.

just stfu.

i think asian people are the nicest most considerate people in the world.

how do i know this?

they package plastic spoons with their jello.

yes, duran durna.

show me off like thickened ejaculate.

stop fawning--feigning.

is that you you spell it?

ok, ok i'll start blogging soon. give me topics to blog about, jorge. or anyone else.

i cant stop listening to duran durna's come undone.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

seck-say.

ou can expect to die on:

March 29, 2055
at the age of 68 years old.


On that date you will most likely die from:

Cancer (17%)
Alien Abduction (11%)
Heart Attack (11%)
Contagious Disease (9%)
Homicide (9%)
Third Degree Burns (6%)
Horrible Accident (6%)
Loneliness (5%)


=========================================

36% slutty
which is actually less than the average, 46%.


Based on the 9,269,693 test takers so far:

you're sluttier than 29% of the world.
you're cleaner than 70% of the world.


FACT
31 women agreed with you, and chose "Immanuel Kant" as the best sex option of all time.
FACT
So far, the most popular place to lick lubricated men is below the right nipple.
THE NUMBER ONE THING THE AVERAGE WOMAN DISLIKES ABOUT HER OWN LOOKS
--her face--

=========================================

MENTOR
( Submissive Extroverted Abstract Thinker )


You are a MENTOR (SEAT). Some would call you the most powerful and influential of all people. Those people are wrong.

The reality is that you DON'T really WANT to impose personal views or beliefs on others. Yet you are extroverted and intelligent, and you like to get involved. So you help others with the pursuit of knowledge.

You're the reason that people say teachers are also students. You are as much a learner as a master, and this satisfies you.

You won't die a lonely death, but towards the end you'll grow introspective, wondering if your life meant anything. This will last for decades, and you'll die after your spouse.

one day, everyone i know and love will leave me.

i know this.

when i read it, i feel like my thoughts are building up in a dam. when the dam bursts, there will be a breakthrough, so until then, i hafta keep filling up the dam. i've always been really close to having my dam burst, but im usually like.... a couple of ideas short. but i know that when it happens...

wtf am i rambling about? i dunno.

i am on meds. i think i was stupid in world lit today, too.

sometimes my dad says things that surprise me. not in a bad way, not in a good way. but sometimes, when he says those things, i can feel myself tear up and choke. i cant make eye contact or else. i dont know why this happens. if its because im angry at him or im angry at me. or if i hate myself or i hate them. or if im sad or happy. its weird.

my right leg hurts. below my ass and it stretches all the way to like behind my knee.

he says some really mean things sometimes, but i think half the time he doesnt realize he's saying them.

i dont hate arlene, either.

i am lonely. eman is at a logic study group (god, i hate logic). i wanna call hanna. but sometimes she gets upset after long periods of time when i dont contact her. which i understand. but im really lonely. oldies are blasting out of my stereo at a very low volume level. i got a job at crabtree and evelyn. they will pay me a lot of money. not a lot. but a lot to me. i will open a savings account and save half of what i earn and put the other half in my checking account.

i think i take everyone for granted. my sister, eman, hanna, my parents.

i have religion hw to do, but no one will tell me what it is.

reading hanna's posts on trip.your.wire makes me feel nostolgic. the other day, she brought up the time we took the wrong godforsaken bus cuz i thot it would circle around just to get out of the heat. last summer. the summer of 2003. my adventures rock out. our adventures. sorry. then i pissed in a bathroom that lacked a door. i could have easily been taken advantage of. damn i feel stupid. i didnt even ask hanna or mel to accompany me.

so, i am going to rant about a particular person--arlene. sometimes i like her, sometimes i dont. most people (the few people in my life whose opinion matters to me) dont like her or are just straight up apathetic towards her. she is this self-righteous elitist who masquerades in piety and humility. it is DISGUSTING. its like this girl has an alter ego. she has this quiet, shy exterior with a self-important interior. most people dont notice it because most people dont even think twice about arlene. you would think she would know this, but NOOOOO.

she thinks people are intimidited by her. yes, she said this herself. on her blog. "am i intimidating?" she was commenting on how people avert their eyes when she looks at them. this is what makes me believe she holds herself high up on a pedestal. who automatically assumes that people are intimidated when the avert their eyes? WHO, DAMMIT? TELL ME! for god's sake, a person could avert their eyes to avoid having to talk to your or maybe you have a booger! WHO KNOWS?! OR MAYBE THEY LOOK AWAY BECAUSE THEY JUST DONT LIKE YOU! but who automatically assumes intimidation? someone full of herself, that's who.

she posted how much norte dame would cost her:

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Cost of a Notre Dame education:
$3650 family contribution; $2600 student loan; $2300 work-study
...the rest of the $39,350 in grants and scholarships.


Why am I disclosing this financial info? I don't know. I'm great with money? ... (emphasis added)

ok, stupid, so tell me how that shows you're great with money? what does your fucking expected family contribution have to do with how well you handle money??? the fucking expected family contribution is based on you and your parents' income/assets. so where did you construe you were good with money? WHOA ARLENE, sorry my parents earn so much money my EFC is 18,269!! IT MUST MEAN IM JUST SO DAMN HORRIBLE WITH MONEY, EH? god, you're an idiot.

here's some news for you: if you have to try to be smart, you arent smart.

another thing that has been bothering me lately.

--well another time. if you piss me off again, arlene, i'll just post later.

i made latkes yesterday. my family thouroughly enjoyed them.

fuck, i figured out why it pisses me off so much.

it's MEDIUM length. not LONG or SHORT-SHORT. but MEDIUM. ugh ugh.

drasticity

--it rocks my world. TOO BAD IT'S NOT ROCKIN' RIGHT NOW.

NO ONE WILL KNOW OF MY SHORTENED HAIR!

i cut my hair but i shall tell no one, for it's shortness upsets me. deeply, greatly. indeed it does. i cant even stand to look at it i told the lady ONE inch, for chrissake!

i will be keeping my hair up everyday now. until.....

june 1st.

promise.

i really like eman's little sister's blogger.

the waking process

i like it a lot.

ta-da.

i hate writing these little boogers, but i looooove reading them. i like to read them because

--you dont really care, do you?! well, ho, im gunna tell you anyway!

i like to wonder about myself.

you know what's funny? it doesnt matter how stupid and insignificant the subject im writing about may be at the present moment, but i pretty damn sure i'll enjoy reading it later.

goshers. i own you, hos.

''There are a lot of people now who want to jump over the dead body of the old left,'' Lasn recently told a reporter. ''We've decided to stop whining about Nike. Why not make $10 million and use it to run a media-literacy campaign instead? I'm really sick of the whiners.'' blackspot

ok, stupid adbuster bitch. it's what you've been doing for the past 14 years.

i hear eman and jorge shared a blog. i am jealous.

heh. kidding. well maybe not. who knows? not i...

Eysenck's Test Results

Extraversion (78%) high which suggests you are very talkative, optimistic, and sociable but possibly not very reflective. Neuroticism (48%) medium which suggests you are moderately worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous. Psychoticism (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately offensive, uncooperative, and rebellious.

Take Eysenck's EPQ-R based Personality Test

let's all try to be something we arent. we'll be happier then.

are you happy?
















i cant find any scholary journals.

what the fuck happened to everybody. what the fuck happened to me. what the fuck happened to us.

i dont have a writing voice. i wish i did. i dont. or maybe i do, but the one i possess, i dont really like.

no no.

i am frustrated because i figured out you're something special.

and im not.

fuck no fuck no fuck no fuck no.

ho ho ho.

rah rah rah. sis boom ba.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

ksjflakjsfljkalskdfjaklsjflkasjfiuaweriuawioerhjasndfamvajfalkj.

i am frustrated because you're special and im not.

I never claimed to be strong.

you dont need to outrightly claim to be strong. you imply it when you call others weak.

i dont want to forget what happened yesterday. the maulers and their dead battery.

off to a nunnery!

FUCKKKKKKK

sushi tako.

i will love you forever if you (whoever) take me there. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMm.

you know it's good food when you're trying to induce burping just to taste it.

love, love me do. you know i love...

choooo-choooo train.

first love never dies, homes. it never does.

i guess because our first addiction is always the hardest. now if you excuse me, i have kare-kare calling to me from the microwave.

beware all those who use pacemakers.

help me find excuses to talk to you

im never silly because (edit 12:33pm) i know you'll always stomach me. (end edit)

the sardines burnt my tongue and rice fell on my panties,
she told us to be sacraments

THESE WERENT MEANT TO SOLELY DOCUMENT OUR DEEP, INTROSPECTIVE THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they were also meant to help us remember quirky moments and exceptional futurama episodes.

i never used to be sincere and genuine.

this is a relatively new thing to me.

i hate it when i miss you this much. i hate it when i cling.
all my thoughts are stillborn. i want you to clip my wings.

(second line is irrelevant, but it rhymes. so yeah.)

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results Warmth |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Intellect ||||||||||||||| 50% Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||| 58% Aggressiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Liveliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Dutifulness ||||||||| 30% Social Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Artistic Interests ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Paranoia ||||||||| 30% Abstractness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Introversion |||||||||||||||||| 58% Anxiety |||||||||||| 38% Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Independence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||| 54% Tension |||||||||||| 34%

Take Free 16pf based Personality Test

hanna, i miss you.

let me take care of you.

i'm a gigolo, spendin' lots of dough
you can tell the way wide-body, sitting on vogues!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its 3:22 in the morning.

do you know where YOUR penis has been? in some obscene orifice of some wanton wench, no doubt.

that's asonance and alliteration, beeitch.

i've been up. up watching mtv. then vh1. jessica simpson made me sad. she stayed virginal until she was married. fuck herrrr!!! fuck herrr! in fact, fuck all virginal ppl!!!!!!!!!! yes, i was discussing this with what's-his-name. i hate virginal chicks. why? i shall be honest. because i wish i were one.

i got the urge to blog because..... i got lonely.

so that blink-182 song "i miss you" aint so bad. and that band maroon 5? they would be good if they just played their instruments and that guy didnt sing.

one time hanna wrote me a note on trip.my.wire--"paula, dont post and publish, im not finished posting."

i found it the most hilarious thing in the entire world.

stop persecuting me for all the mistakes i've made and my poorly worded choice of words!!!

arlene has the stanford encyclopedia of philosophy linked in her blog. that's the stuidest thing i've ever seen. first off, why do people link to shit in their blogs??? why? it doesnt make sense. "oh, i shall link to the stanford encylopedia of philosophy so that people can see what a smart kid i am cuz only smart kids read philosophy encyclopedias!!

anyway, im gunna post on trip.my.wire now. sooo..... yeah.

i have come to a conclusion:

it doesnt matter how much of a self-absorbed elitist you are, just as long as you.............


i dont feel like finishing it. finish it for me.

EMAN DOESNT LIKE TELLING ME HE LOVES ME WHEN HE'S IN FRONT OF PPL.

pansy.

i will write a book no one will understand.

or so i hope.

who will publish me? i'd rather be an author than a writer. anyone can be an author.

::thinks:: i want to author kids. no i dont!

fooled you. if we fail, we can have it annulled. we can claim immaturiy. i believe my religion teacher said that one can.

shiny hair. i will delete all these posts because i feel fake. tell me if you feel it too.

i think zen buddhism is just a bunch of doodes who are kinda.... intellectually apathetic. i think satori is reached one comes to the full understanding that one will never know anything until you die so live until then. i guess satori is like.... being content with your ignorance.

understanding that is easier said than done. or maybe you arent supposed to understand it. maybe you're just supposed to be so numbed out by potato-peeling that it just gets absorbed into your skin.

An American seeker: "If you follow any way, you will never get there; and if you do not follow any way, you will never get there. So one faces a dilemma."

Hisamatsu: "Let that dilemma be your way."

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HISAMATSU???? i will ponder this until i get it.

if i could be a manic depressive, i would.

JUST STOP ALREADY. YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT FUCKING IMITATOR. rugmuncher.

i learned that word from a canadian producer.

there are weirdos in this world. so get caught up in drugs. hold on.

i am a conformist. i am not unique.

i dont want to die not ever having said anything profound.

i dont think that will happen--and so i surround myself with people who i think will better/scar/shock the world. people who i think will make a difference. cuz god knows im not.

i want to be remembered. i want to be remembered and immortalized, but i dont want to set myself up for disappointment when i fail to do this on my own. so i attach myself to as many intelligent and talented people as i can. my free ticket to fame.

i am pathetic. pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. i settle. you know it. i dont mind being remembered as the great so-and-so's (insert relationship role with so-and-so here).

ignominious.

i want to curse at something.

OH GOD. i love fonts.

Thoughts are unhealthy.

that made me feel pretentious. so here: thoughts are unhealthy.

when people offend me, i start thinking about why i was offended. sometimes, it starts leading into an assertion of how im so much better than that person (as i think many other people do), but if i notice, i try to get past it and down to the real reason why i was offended. usually, im offended about the things people say because they are true.

eh, i dont know. i was offended just right now, and my mind went through this whole thinking process of why i was offended and whether or not it was right for me to feel like it. i just spiraled down to the whole "why-should-i-care."

i think this is what makes it difficult for me to have reactions to bad things. its like this:

1. bad thing happens
2. initial retaliation reaction
3. thoughts
4. confusion of thoughts
5. indifference

and this all happens in less than three minutes, i think. and i ponder over why i dont care for the next 30 minutes or so until i find food. ha.

the only thing i feel real about is being narcissistic.

damn. spicy dinuguan.

ow fuck.

what did i used to type about before, anyway? for some reason, life seems much more exciting then, even tho i failed to write about the really, really exciting parts. maybe i am writing myself out? maybe i should start doign something more challenging like proper grammar and punctuation?

well im sitting here doing nothing. blogging, obviously. and thinking about how typical this blog is getting with every passing day. i feel like an attention whore. bleh. madonna was supposed to teach me stick today, but she had to finish her photography final. and he's doing his logic hw. i havent heard from hanna for days now. i miss her. i wanna paint hollywood red with menstrual blood.

man, im such a loser now. no one ever invites me to go out anymore and i finally actually do wanna go out. unlike before where i just didnt damn well care. it's like i've forgotten how to "kick it." maybe its for the best, seeing i'd probably do something crazy now that i can drive.

im everyone's friend but nobody's homie. i should go study. speaking of studying, i didnt finish my government exam yesterday, skipping a page and a half of math analysis today, half a page of trig. the only thing i feel great about is w. lit which i finished with minutes to spare.

i find myself shaking my leg a lot which kinda annoys me cuz i used to be the only one i knew who didnt do that.

this was a crappy post and i dont expect you guys to read it.

you know, im still not over the deletion of my other blog. shit. it was.... a year and 8 months old. ugh ugh.

oh well, we must learn how to forgive.

and i guess this is a good new beginning.

it could have been worse. he could have damn well deleted the whole thing. ::sigh::

ok, i will start blogging soon--as regularly as i used to.

here we go. im still kinda miffed at the deletion of my other blog.