I ATE MEAT. I FEEL SO FUCKING SICK.

SDFAKSLJFADKFAMCASERASCD.

it prevails.

They say we only really fall in love once in our lifetime, and that it occurs the first time we ever do fall in love. Everything else that follows, they say, is just a shadow. Meaning its less inhibited, passionate, and true. I guess one can only give one's heart away once, right?

man, it's like you're screwed if you do, you're screwed if you dont. wtf is that shit.

suicide note #3:

farewell, world (or fare not-so-well). stick a piece of paper with a bon mot written on it in my every orifice. mmmm. doughnuts.

i feel so lonely sometimes. i want someone to care. it wont help if i just tell someone my problems and have then console me. i know in the end, they wont be there.

it sucks when i feel like this, and the only person who can make it go away doesnt really care to.

im such a sentimental fool.

read this.

DO YOU SEE THE END???? GOD. what wanksta. funny. i kinda have what i had then, but what i want is the impassioned obsession of my past. ok, maybe not.

SO WHAT IF IM HOOKED ON BEING EDGY. im going to assume its better than being hooked on phonics! hardy har har.

smack me. im just too clever.

relatively deep thoughts used to strike me. i wonder where they've gone.

i dont know if its just my megalomania, but i like reading my old school blog entries. i seemed to be such a cool kid. ::cough::

check this.

i like that.

also, read this post.

that was posted about JORGE, out of all the people in the world! i remember he had a subprofile and would post these rants. and i thought one was directed at me, he said otherwise, but to this day i still think it was, and i ranted about him. ha-ha-ha.

reading it made me sad. i remember writing it on a whim. reading through it now, i was able to see myself then. it struck me how convicted i was about so many things. and although all of them may not have been very thought out, i dont know. it's still admirable, i guess.

do i miss myself?
oh paula, you're so silly. you are who you are.
you're right. even then i was ever-changing.

i will look back on this post and think about how different i have become.

i need to stop feeding myself nostolgia pills. among other things. HA.